MY SPOUSE CONDUCTED AN AFFAIR DURING THE MARRIAGE

Finding out that your spouse cheated on you is heartbreaking. However, regardless of how hurt and angry you are, you should still not make a decision to divorce when you are this upset.  Divorcing your spouse is a life decision and even though you are the victim of adultery, if you believe that marriage counseling and/or any other remedial efforts will result in a reconciliation think about trying those first before you file for divorce. If you do believe that reconciliation is impossible then here are some practical things for you to remember:

First, if there are children, protect them the best that you can.  It serves no one to put your children in the middle of your divorce.  Second, realize that while cheating is a horrible thing emotionally---legally, a cause of action for adultery is more than likely not going to have a large impact on your divorce.  Proving adultery is more difficult than you may think.   It serves no real purpose trying to pursue your divorce based on adultery.  There is no monetary advantage unless you can prove that your spouse spent significant marital assets in conducting the affair.  Additionally, if you insist on filing for divorce based on adultery, you may end up delaying the proceedings.  Your attorney will most likely advise you to dissolve your marriage based on an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.  Ultimately, unless there was a significant dissipation of marital assets while conducting the affair, the courts and attorneys will simply focus on equitable distribution, maintenance, child custody and child support—if there are children. 

As best as you can, focus on what is important to you, which should be moving forward with your life as quickly and efficiently as possible.  Fighting in court because of the pain caused by your spouse will only increase legal fees, not make you feel any better and delay your ability to get past this extremely difficult time in your life.